Some things comes naturally and effortlessly to me. But some things are like a struggle, as if to understand rocket science. Like for example why can’t people be good to others if they expect the same from them. From this, my journey of being the blue marble among the green ones, i.e always heading to an opposite direction to what the world is doing, begins.
I often wonder why am I so different from the rest of the people around me?( if you know me, you would agree) And the mind immediately slips in to the memory lane to check the foundation defect. So , it started from the time ( old phenomenon ) when I was a kid. Doing things entirely opposite to what my siblings did and considered ‘normal’ was my forte. Growing up with my first cousins was always fun and that was when I realized I am a bit different. No not, physically (by god’s grace) but in other terms. When my brother used to run in the playground for his evening cricket matches, while the rickshawwala came late( which was often) I sat on the basketball ground reading my book, rather than joining the other girls playing . When he came back from his play, all sweaty , happy and head full of things to tell me, I sat there listening to his endless events of the match, from the one who made the best runs, to the one who made him angry ( I understood nothing then and I understand nothing even today.) But I listened to all of his stories, I doubt if he told any of those to his mother. And then I realized I was not the one who would speak a lot but will to listen and that too with all attentiveness. a rare feat today ( I wonder today, why my primary school report cards have a consistent permanent line: very talkative, should take interest in sports.)
It did not end in school. When we came back from school, he still had energy to play, while I preferred sitting under the fan sprawled with my thin frock on, while he used to struggle with his mom to let him go out, and she struggled to feed him and make him do his homework. Of course he cajoled me to join him , but at that moment I instead sat beside the tape recorder kept on my mother’s side table, with my eyes closed listening to all sorts of new, old, religious, patriotic songs .( I still remember the bhajan that used to blare from that tape every day, which 9 year old does listen to bhajans rather than playing and loafing around with the toys, I still fail to understand).
So to continue, while I sat with my tape-recorder , my siblings ( here my elder sister makes an entry , we trio were supposed to make a team, which unfortunately did not happened as I was always a spoilsport in between , aloof and lost in my own thoughts) were busy counting the runs they had made. The only time I used to see the face of the next grass ground which they had occupied as their playground was to call them for the evening milk session, only to slip and get bitten by insects vowing never to go again. If by chance I tried my hand in scoring at least a fraction of a century runs , It became a laughter riot. I do not blame them because what I did for helping myself not getting out was pretty hilarious ( I am not at all telling you what!!)
Slowly I began realizing that there is an aura of difference around my head that always wanders my mind to not to do things people of my age and around normally do. While the other two sibling ( of our so called trio) fought for who would perform the aarti first in the temple, I stood there smiling and relaxed that I ‘ll do when my chance came. (I mean, why? I think that is why I have least competitiveness in me)
People say peer influence is the biggest influence. Guess what, I deceived myself in that also. Where in my class, my friends were busy gossiping about who said what, and who is dating whom, I was still lost in my own fantasy (I tried hard remembering what was that, but failed..) I was again a laughing stock when I realized after 2 years of leaving school that the girl I shared my bench with , was dating another of my friend since 5 years and I had no clue. ( Was I that dumb?)
When good students in our class were dying to choose science over maths, ( one because it was essentials for their image that good students need to take up science and secondly may be they wanted to be engineer/doctor or whatever. By image I mean real studious, teacher pet image, because when I opted otherwise [yes, I was a good student] people were rather surprised to see me in commerce section and explaining them my reason why I opted commerce against science took a whole month.)
Deciding upon a career was no different. Firstly, I chose that college which has the least people from my school, in fact I opted for an entirely obscure college , in anticipation of entirely new environment,( normally people like you carry their friends along) and for the profession I literally ran to the opposite road , which was taken by most of my classmates.( 75% of my classmates had decided to do CA and so then and there, I had decided ‘CA to nahi karna hai boss’.) Weird na?. What a stupid reason!
The story of profession does not end here, but If I go on, it will be toooo big. So in short I left my lucrative job and profession to pursue the minimal paying passion( this was also something less heard off, and of course endless questions, shocking expressions and explanation followed.)
Now, fast forward to today. I feel that air of being different attitude is still ingrained deep in my thoughts actions and habits. Where people prefer makeup and fancy clothes, I have least interest in those, It has been a year of my roommates humiliating me to wear fashionable clothes and getting all decked up before stepping out. But I am me, indifferent and careless. Where the closest of my girl friends are busy in applying all sorts of make up I stand there wondering whether am I really a girl , just like them? Why don’t I get excited as them to see new collections on displays and Sonam Kapoor’s new makeup trend as they do.?
When my ambitious friends go for high paying corporate jobs where they can enjoy a great working environment with various facilities, I prefer a small organisation with comfortable setting and at least airy work place ( I hate glass panned cubicle offices) ( ofcourse I have to compromise on the pay, but here also I don’t know why, but it does not bothers me.)
I am sure if this has been my story of being different, till now, it would definitely continue in the rest of my life as well ( you know what I mean!!) I have been wondering on its righteousness and I doubt if I will ever be successful.
Did I say I am different? 😉 See, who mocks themselves on a public platform?